It started long before me I never saw it coming The distance, the promise A state of isolation
And in my darkest nightmare Things that I can't remember The answer, is drowning, this pain will last forever
My father, his duty His orders, my brother The promise, the breaking Rejection, deception Reflection, conception The missing, the torture The madness, the sadness Can this be, or is it
The shadow cast before me A walk inside your circle Protect me, correct me You got your orders, soldier
Inside my head is humming Sometimes I hear them coming The power, believing The hate I hate believing
Where is this, it can't be Who are you, I know you You wouldn't, or would you Don't fight me, ignite me My trigger, your finger Your darkness, I know it Come forward, I've seen it I mean it
※ Your power, is over I've come to change the order My training, is perfect I'm back, again Your promise, is broken I drank your sacred water My mission, is holy I'm back
My father, his duty His orders, my brother The promise, the breaking Rejection, deception Reflection, conception The missing, the torture The madness, the sadness Can this be
※ repeat
※※ The hate I hate believing The hate I hate believing I never saw it coming I never saw it coming
※※ repeat
You have your orders, soldier
Model: Elandria: [link] Background: Elandria [link] & AshenSorrow [link] Fire: captianarrg [link] Texture: My own & hibbary [link]
I'm not sure whether I should critique the graphic or the text, so I'll aim at both.
As an overall piece, I think the color balance is beautiful. The framing of the brightly colored woman in the blue-grey of the wall works perfectly. The headpiece, on the other hand, is distracting to the fluidity of the rest of the piece. It seems to have been added as an afterthought, and doesn't seem to work with the rest.
The text (poem/lyric) is confusing. Coupled with the graphic, it seems to start as someone trapped in a situation she seems entirely unprepared for, possibly waiting for the return of a lover, father, brother who is away at war. Or maybe she's been sent somewhere away from home because of her lover/father/brother's situation. But then the story seems to become about a soldier who is lamenting his situation. The point of reference changes within the scope of one stanza. It needs work.
As an overall piece, I think the color balance is beautiful. The framing of the brightly colored woman in the blue-grey of the wall works perfectly. The headpiece, on the other hand, is distracting to the fluidity of the rest of the piece. It seems to have been added as an afterthought, and doesn't seem to work with the rest.
The text (poem/lyric) is confusing. Coupled with the graphic, it seems to start as someone trapped in a situation she seems entirely unprepared for, possibly waiting for the return of a lover, father, brother who is away at war. Or maybe she's been sent somewhere away from home because of her lover/father/brother's situation. But then the story seems to become about a soldier who is lamenting his situation. The point of reference changes within the scope of one stanza. It needs work.
Keep at it. You've got talent.
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